


21 Years

by MsGeekNerd



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Art, Birthday, Comic, December 3rd, Earth C, Fluff, Freudian Elements, Illustrated, Illustrations, M/M, MSPA format, Minions, Post-Canon, Roommates, Shitty childhoods, basically they're in love, bros, cursing, davekat - Freeform, defamation of Santa Clause, haha what romantic tension, just a couple of guys being dudes and sharing their similar childhood traumas, minion memes, no slurs, oh my god they were roommates, super great bros, two homies getting down and dirty with their feelings and genuine connection, wine mom, wine mom mentions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 4,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21663598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsGeekNerd/pseuds/MsGeekNerd
Summary: It's Dave's birthday today and Karkat wants so desperately to give his difficult and slippery fool of a roommate his present.Beautiful art and Dave writing done mainly by Ultimatum, Karkat writing done mainly by MsGeekNerd
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 16
Kudos: 96





	1. Reader: Be the anxious man.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ultimatum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultimatum/gifts).



Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you are currently trying not to freak the fuck out.

As always, your attempts to take the proverbial chill pill have failed. Miserably.

Karkat: Chitter like a malicious scamper beast and tear down your posters.

There is absolutely no time for this hogwash! You have a very important human milestone to celebrate. Well, according to a society that has died two times over (three times over?). Regardless, you’re a culturally sensitive guy. That’s just how you roll.

It is especially how you roll in regards to one (1) DAVE STRIDER, your human pal and Super Chill Roommate. Self-proclaimed Super Chill Roommate. However, you suspect that the guy wouldn't know "chill" even if it bit him in the ass. He's an annoying, clingy dork with his pan permanently shoved up his sphincter, and yet...

Well.

Today marks the 21st human “year” in the existence of your Unfortunately Endearing Roommate. As such, you have hand-crafted something worthy of the occasion. Sort of worthy. Hopefully.

You clutch the envelope close to your chest and resolve to pull yourself together. You have a gift to give, after all. And it won't give itself.

Karkat: Pull yourself together!

You do. You pull yourself together _so fucking quickly_ , it's a miracle you don't give yourself whiplash.

Inside this beseeching and slightly crumpled receptacle is the present you have slaved over for several lunar orbits. You are going to give it to Dave. You are going to give it to him hardcore.

You can see it in your mind’s sight stalk. You’re going to march downstairs and give it right to him. Nearly a week of endless stress will culminate in a beautiful display of casual and inoffensive friend-to-friend bonding. You will nod solemnly in mutual unspoken understanding. Words will have become unnecessary.

Such is the depth of your broship.

Oh yes. That is exactly how it will go, you're sure of it.

But first...

But first you’re going to clean your block for the hundredth time this morning. Not because you’re stalling, but because you run a tight ship, and there’s no reason you should slack off, human celebration or no. Cleanliness is close to godliness and as a god you have certain standards to uphold.


	2. Karkat: Be the other guy.

Karkat: Be the other guy.

You are now the other guy.

Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and boy isn’t today just a wonderful, normal day just like any other on the Gregorian calendar. Today is so normal, in fact, that you’d laugh in the face of any clown that’d be stupid enough to suggest otherwise.

As the HERO of it, you are the indisputable authority where matters of TIME are concerned. Thankfully, you know what’s up, so you comfort yourself with the knowledge that you’re right, and that’s really all there is to say on the matter. Today is a normal day, just like any other.

And you of all people should know.

What will you do on this normal day?

Dave: Check your phone notifications.

What phone notifications?

Dave: Continue to avoid your loving friends and family.

Loving friends and family? Avoid? Why, you would never. You’ve never avoided a thing in your entire life.

You’re just having a great, normal morning and you couldn’t possibly talk to anyone just yet… At least, “not without my coffee!”

Dave: Laugh at your own stupid jokes.

You chuckle to yourself. Suburban mom humor. You wish you could get on that level.

Oh, to be a mother walking through Target... looking at those comically large wine glasses. “We only drink wine on days that end with Y.” You're sure that feeling of joy is unparalleled across all of paradox space.

Yes. You want to look at those wine classes and connect with them. You want to look at them and think, without a doubt in your mind, "that is who I am."

Oh, and the Facebook minion memes. Everyone forgets about the Facebook minion memes.

Everyone but you, that is.

You know how crucial those are to playing the part accurately, and you are no hack. No, you go the extra mile for authenticity. That's just how you roll.

Dave: Make minion memes to avoid genuine connection.

Now that’s just silly. You’d argue that there’s nothing that can foster genuine connection more than a good Minion meme. They draw from the depths of experience. Get at the truth of life, combat, philosophy, and love. They teach us about others… More importantly, they teach us about ourselves. They are a mirror to society; not many can handle looking into Minion Dave’s face and seeing Human Dave stare back. But you can. You can.

They also serve as a great distraction when you’re trying to ignore the cumbersome burdens of existence. Which, of course, you are not doing and would never do. Because you have never avoided anything in your life and never will.

Nope.

==>

Oh look, it’s your great buddy Karkat. Your great buddy Karkat who smells like… Bleach? He must be in one of his panic-induced cleaning rampages again, the poor little dude.

Maybe you could both benefit from some comically large wine glasses right about now.


	3. Dave: Talk to your great buddy Karkat.

Dave: Talk to your great buddy Karkat.

DAVE: dude were you stress cleaning again

DAVE: did you at least open a window before you decided to douse your entire room in dangerous chemicals

DAVE: you cant really afford to lose any more brain cells man

DAVE: shit is limited when theyre gone theyre gone and you really need what you have left

KARKAT: YOU’RE RIGHT DAVE, JUST BEING AROUND YOU IS ALREADY DOING THE JOB OF SAPPING MY IQ.

KARKAT: I SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL OR BEFORE I KNOW IT I’LL BE ON YOUR LEVEL OF BLITHERING IDIOCY.

KARKAT: THE WORLD WILL WEEP FOR A THOUSAND SWEEPS, MOURNING THE LOSS OF ANOTHER BRILLIANT MIND AT THE HANDS OF YOUR TOXIC, LEECHING PRESENCE.

KARKAT: MAYBE I’LL BOUNCE BACK AT SOME POINT. BECOME SO PAN NUMBINGLY STUPID THAT I LOOP RIGHT AROUND TO BEING THE ETERNALLY CORRECT GENIUS I ONCE WAS.

KARKAT: ALSO GOOD MORNING.

DAVE: good morning

DAVE: lol

DAVE: so youre pretty worked up for it being this early whats the occasion

DAVE: ~oh eternally correct genius~

DAVE: to what do i owe the pleasure, the pleasure of being yelled at before ive even had my cup o joe

DAVE: (which is kinda rude man weve been over this not before the coffee youre just trampling all over my routine here huh)

DAVE: btw you got some spit in my eye when you were going off on me i think thanks for that

DAVE: they were like the kindest of artificial tears to my desert dry eyes

DAVE: though i gotta say i didnt think id get your spit in any of my orifices so soon man

DAVE: i think thats the most action ive had in like

DAVE: ...

DAVE: yeah thats the most action ive had

DAVE: well then

DAVE: into the spank bank it goes i guess

DAVE: karkat vantas cures me of dry eye with his stray spittle dot pornhub dot com

DAVE: its upliked at 100% because its the sexiest goddamn thing anyone human troll or otherwise has ever seen

KARKAT: UH.

KARKAT: RIGHT.

KARKAT: WELL FLATTERY AS ALWAYS WILL GET YOU EVERYWHERE.

KARKAT: I’M GLAD I’M FINALLY BEING APPRECIATED FOR ALWAYS BEING RIGHT ALL THE TIME FOREVER. NOT TO MENTION SO UNBELIEVABLY AND IMPOSSIBLY SEXY. MY VERY SALIVA HAS THE POWER TO CREATE PORNOGRAPHY UPON FIRST CONTACT WITH ANOTHER OBJECT, LIVING OR OTHERWISE.

KARKAT: I CAN BARELY SET FROND AND NUB INTO THE OPEN AIR BEFORE THE MASSES, MAGNETIZED BY MY EXISTENCE, SURROUND ME AND PROSTRATE THEMSELVES BEFORE ME, BEGGING FOR BUT A MORSEL.

KARKAT: OF WISDOM? OF FLESH? OF BOTH?

KARKAT: IT’S OFTEN DIFFICULT TO TELL.

KARKAT: IT’S HARD, DAVE.

KARKAT: IT’S HARD AND NO ONE UNDERSTANDS.

KARKAT: ...

KARKAT: OKAY I’VE BEAT AROUND THE BUSH SO MUCH THAT IT’S MORE LIKE A PILE OF STICKS THAN ANYTHING RESEMBLING FOLIAGE.

KARKAT: AND THIS FALSE CONFIDENCE BIT OF MINE IS NEITHER BELIEVABLE NOR CHARMING SO.

KARKAT: HERE.


	4. Dave: Take envelope.

Dave: Take envelope.

DAVE: uh

DAVE: what the fuck is this

KARKAT: IT’S CALLED CULTURAL SENSITIVITY AND GENERAL AWARENESS OF SOCIETAL NORMS, OLD AND NEW, ACROSS ALIEN SPACE TIME BOUNDARIES.

DAVE: cool that was totally helpful and not at all a load of unparsable bullshit

DAVE: still doesnt explain why you appeared outta nowhere with a sealed envelope and the audacity to interrupt my morning meme routine

DAVE: which i would like to point out is all kinds of sacred in this household and you should know better shame on you

DAVE: weve been over this man and i dont know how many times i gotta tell you

==>

DAVE: and i mean

DAVE: is this like one of those snake in a can pranks

DAVE: i open the envelope and bam im suddenly covered in glitter and my own broken dreams

DAVE: then just when i think i can get over the humiliation and the heartbreak of having my precious mail turn to glitter in my lap

DAVE: i realize it got in the carpet too and im going to be finding glitter between my toes for the rest of my life cus that shit aint coming out no siree

DAVE: to add insult to unbearable injury i just got irrevocably owned

DAVE: like a stupid kid who thought maybe this year santa would give him the pony hes always wanted

DAVE: but when he comes downstairs all wide eyed at the asscrack of dawn he sees his dad cussing at a little tikes cozy coupe he cant figure out how to put together

DAVE: dad looks up to see jimmy jr staring at him and the poor kid breaks into tears because theres really nothing to do but break down like a fucking baby who also just got irrevocably owned by the truth

DAVE: the truth that santa just aint real

DAVE: i cant come back from that karkat i really cant dont do this to me im just not strong enough to handle such a horrible betrayal of my trust

==>

DAVE: …really though why are you giving me this

KARKAT: IT IS THE THIRD RIGHT?

KARKAT: I DIDN’T MAKE A COMPLETE ASS OF MYSELF BY DOING THIS TOO EARLY?

KARKAT: OR TOO LATE. OH GOD IS IT THE FOURTH??

KARKAT: AM I SUPPOSED TO DO SOMETHING FOR THE LALONDES NOW?

KARKAT: THAT’S ESPECIALLY TERRIBLE SINCE I KIND OF ASKED ROXY FOR A SECOND OPINION ON THIS FUCKING AFFRONT TO WHATEVER SEMBLANCE OF DEVINITY WE’VE LEFT ALIVE.

KARKAT: I DON’T THINK I CAN HANDLE ACCIDENTALLY BEING A BAG OF WRITHING BULGES TO ROXY ON TOP OF YOU WITNESSING THIS SORRY EXCUSE FOR A “GIFT.”

KARKAT: IT’S ACTUALLY REALLY AWFUL AND WOULD PROBABLY MAKE YOUR GANDERBULBS COMBUST UPON CONTACT SO MAYBE I COULD TAKE THAT AWAY AND WE COULD PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED?

KARKAT: WE’RE GOOD AT THAT, WE’VE FORGOTTEN A WHOLE SLEW OF EMBARRASSING MOMENTS THAT TOTALLY NEVER HAPPENED.

KARKAT: WHAT ENVELOPE? I DIDN’T HAND YOU AN ENVELOPE.

KARKAT: IF I COULD JUST HAVE THAT BACK REAL QUICK. SAVE YOU THE MORTIFICATION AND OCULAR MUTILATION AS WELL AS THE NO DOUBT TRAUMATIC MEMORY THAT WILL BE FOREVER SEARED INTO YOUR ALREADY IRREVOCABLY DAMAGED PAN.


	5. Karkat: Take back the envelope you never gave him in the first place.

Karkat: Take back the envelope you never gave him in the first place

KARKAT: FUCK!

KARKAT: HEY! NO!

KARKAT: GIVE IT BACK YOU COLOSSAL DOUCHE!

DAVE: give what back

DAVE: i thought you didnt hand me an envelope

DAVE: thats what were deciding narratively right

DAVE: that it never happened?

KARKAT: YOU’RE A FILTHY CHEATER. AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR BEING SUCH A FREAKISHLY STRETCHED OUT NIGHTMARE OF A PERSON.

DAVE: not my fault i won the genetic lottery and you lost big time like a dumb little baby

DAVE: a dumb little baby whos objectively sucked since like forever

DAVE: just like jimmy jr who thought santa could even be real or care enough to get him a fucking pony or someshit

DAVE: which is stupid why not ask for something cooler

DAVE: christmas is bogus anyway its ok little jimmy we all gotta learn someday

DAVE: anyway stop trying to climb me dude youre not getting it back

DAVE: at this point youre just bumming me out over how short you are have some goddamn self respect

KARKAT: YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR WORDS, OR I JUST MIGHT MOVE MY STRESS CLEANING INTO YOUR BLOCK NEXT TIME. I’LL SHAPE YOUR SHIT UP, STRIDER. IT’LL BE GLORIOUS. EVERY CREEPY PRESERVED CREATURE IN ITS PLACE. EVERY STRAY WIRE NEATLY ORGANIZED.

DAVE: first of all dont do that

DAVE: my shit is perfectly organized just the way it is ill have you know each wire is exactly where its meant to be everything is intentional and perfect the way it is

DAVE: including the bowls which are now supporting some pretty rad microcultures

DAVE: isnt life just the greatest i mean doesnt that basically make me a father

DAVE: watching over my little moldy children

DAVE: you dont want to kill my children do you karkat???

DAVE: so youre not only disrespecting the lay of the land but you also want to kill my precious offspring i see how it is

DAVE: damn is this really how far youve fallen?

DAVE: actually wait hold on a sec

DAVE: you said you asked roxy for a second opinion on whatever this is right

DAVE: did you...

DAVE: did you make me something or

KARKAT: IS IT YOUR HUMAN BIRTHDAY OR HAVE WE DECIDED NARRATIVELY THAT IT ISN’T?

DAVE: depends

DAVE: if you made me something then maybe it is

DAVE: just maybe though

DAVE: the narrative is definitely intrigued but it hasnt decided yet

KARKAT: YOU’RE IMPOSSIBLE.

DAVE: no you

KARKAT: ...

KARKAT: YOU DON’T HAVE TO OPEN IT.

KARKAT: LIKE I SAID IT’S NOT LIKE YOU’RE MISSING OUT ON ALL THAT MUCH.

KARKAT: BESIDES A PAN HEMORRHAGE.

DAVE: but now i want to know what it is

DAVE: especially if roxy was involved

DAVE: let me just


	6. Dave: Open the envelope.

==>

Dave: Open the envelope.

KARKAT: SO.

KARKAT: IT’S NOT FANTASTIC OR ANYTHING.

KARKAT: I TRIED MY BEST TO MIMIC THE ROTTING DUMPSTER FIRE THAT IS YOUR USUAL “ART WORK,” BUT APPARENTLY IT TAKES A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF SKILL TO MAKE THINGS LOOK SO ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE.

KARKAT: OR

KARKAT: NEGATIVE SKILL.

KARKAT: INCOMPETENCY.

KARKAT: THE POINT IS, IT’S NOT AS BAD/GOOD AS IT SHOULD BE AND I TRIED MY BEST.

KARKAT: ROXY HELPED.

KARKAT: IT’S FROM ME THOUGH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. OR WHATEVER DAY IT IS NARRATIVELY SPEAKING.

DAVE: pffff

DAVE: haha

DAVE: fuck


	7. ==>

==>

DAVE: haha

DAVE: dude

DAVE: this is

==>

DAVE: shit

==>

KARKAT: OH FUCK.

KARKAT: FUCK OH GOD OH FUCK.

KARKAT: I’M SORRY. WAS IT THAT BAD? WHAT DID I DO?

KARKAT: DON’T CRY BRO.

KARKAT: I KNEW I’D FUCK THIS UP. IT’S JUST I’VE NEVER REALLY DONE SOMETHING LIKE THIS FOR YOU BEFORE BECAUSE I KNOW YOU HATE MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF

KARKAT: WELL

KARKAT: ANYTHING PERTAINING TO YOU.

KARKAT: BUT ROSE SAID TWENTY ONE YEARS WAS AN IMPORTANT MILESTONE IN YOUR “AMERICA.” AND I DIDN’T MANAGE TO FIND OUT WHAT THE IMPORTANCE OF EIGHTEEN YEARS WAS UNTIL IT HAD ALREADY PASSED. YOU GUYS PICK SUCH ARBITRARY NUMBERS TO ATTACH SIGNIFICANCE TO.

KARKAT: I JUST FIGURED IF IT WAS SMALL ENOUGH MAYBE IT WOULD BE OKAY. I EVEN CONSULTED WITH OTHER HUMANS ABOUT THE INTRICACIES OF GIFT GIVING FOR BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS.

KARKAT: DON’T WORRY I DIDN’T TELL JADE. SHE’S NOT GOING TO BURST THROUGH THE FUCKING WALL LEAVING A JADE SHAPED HOLE, EARS AND ALL, TO SCREAM HER RESPIRATORY SACKS OUT AT YOU ABOUT GOOD CHEER AND

KARKAT: SCIENCE

KARKAT: I GUESS.

KARKAT: THAT’LL PROBABLY HAPPEN LATER THIS EVENING ESPECIALLY IF YOU KEEP IGNORING HER PESTERING LIKE SHE SAYS YOU ARE.

KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW I JUST WANT—


	8. ==>

==>

KARKAT: !!!

==>

==>


	9. ==>

==>

DAVE: dude chill

DAVE: you didnt fuck anything up

DAVE: this is uh

DAVE: actually really thoughtful so um

DAVE: sorry my lil peepers are leaking a bit

DAVE: someone call a plumber cuz weve got some leaky pipes over here ahaha

DAVE: this could get serious dude we dont have insurance whatll we do once i flood the house with my gross emo liquids

DAVE: or i guess we technically dont need insurance because were gods and all but

DAVE: fuck im avoiding the actual uh

DAVE: topic arent i

DAVE: ha

DAVE: you just kind of caught me unawares and all

DAVE: snowballed my thoughts up until i was nose to nose with frosty the snowman except frostys my own unresolved trauma instead of a lovable holiday friend

DAVE: i dunno it made me start thinking about shit i guess

DAVE: ...

DAVE: anyway thanks you really didnt have to do this for me like

DAVE: really

DAVE: but uh yeah we can pretend this never happened now[/color]

DAVE: im all good

DAVE: thanks again this suckers getting framed and put right on the mantle like a prized family portrait

DAVE: were absolutely about to get suburban as fuck just you wait

DAVE: god

DAVE: fucking

DAVE: dammit

DAVE: im all good

DAVE: just ignore the fact that theres a flood of biblical proportions happening on my face right now pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

==>

KARKAT: UM.

KARKAT: YOU DON’T REALLY LOOK ALL GOOD.

DAVE: ha

DAVE: yeah i

DAVE: maybe im

DAVE: not


	10. ==>

==>

==>

DAVE: its just

DAVE: a lot

DAVE: i guess

DAVE: i dont know how to say this without sounding like a total fucking bitchbaby but maybe theres really no other way to say it

==>

DAVE: i

DAVE: never thought id get this old


	11. ==>

==>

DAVE: and again i dont mean that in a self deprecating way im just saying like

DAVE: realistically

DAVE: its kind of a miracle and a half that i even made it to the game with how...

DAVE: i dont know i guess im realizing that i dont

DAVE: with the way things were going before

DAVE: …

DAVE: fuck im not making any sense am i

DAVE: shit turned out okay didnt it?

DAVE: that should be enough

DAVE: im here he isnt end of story close the damn book

DAVE: throw it away light it on fire for all i care

DAVE: because i dont

DAVE: or

DAVE: i shouldnt

DAVE: but its not enough and i dont know why it has to be such a big deal when its literally just a day

DAVE: like big fucking whoop you got farted out into the universe and you had to deal with some shit

DAVE: so did everyone else you colossal self important douchebag

DAVE: at least im still here other people werent that lucky and yet

DAVE: and yet all this stupid fucking day does is remind me that things are in fact very different and i have to confront that

DAVE: and confront what mightve happened to me if i had

DAVE: what wouldve happened to me if i was there for even one more lap around the sun yknow

DAVE: fuck

DAVE: im still not making any sense am i

DAVE: and im totally going off the rails on you here with all this stupid baggage

DAVE: sorry man

DAVE: tldr daves childhood has made another unwelcomed reappearance

DAVE: enter stage right

DAVE: the crowd boos frantically but the fucker just wont take the hint and leave

DAVE: its going to give us an encore whether we like it or not and thats really all there is to say on the matter

KARKAT: I MEAN I GET THAT. AS A GUY WHO WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT TO EIGHT SWEEPS, MY WRIGGLING DAY WASN’T EXACTLY A SUPER JOYOUS OCCASION EITHER. SOMETIMES I WAKE UP AND FEEL LIKE THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG.

KARKAT: LIKE WE SCREWED UP AND THIS ISN’T THE ALPHA TIMELINE AND I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO STILL BE HERE.

KARKAT: OR THAT SOMEHOW THIS HAS ALL BEEN A GIGANTIC STUPIDLY COMPLEX DREAM AND I’M GOING TO OPEN MY EYES ONE DAY AND I’LL BE BACK IN MY HIVE, RAZZING SOLLUX ABOUT TEACHING ME A NEW CODE TO WASTE MY TIME UNTIL I INEVITABLY GET A CULLING FORK THROUGH THE ABDOMEN FOR THE TROUBLE.

KARKAT: AND I SHOULD PROBABLY GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

KARKAT: IF I WAS GONNA DIE AND LOSE ALL THIS SHIT I MANAGED TO SINK MY PATHETIC STUBBY CLAWS INTO, I WOULD’VE DONE IT ON ALTERNIA.

KARKAT: OR DURING THE GAME.

KARKAT: OR IN THE VIEL.

KARKAT: OR IN THAT MULTI BOSS GOD MODDED CLUSTERFUCK OF A FINAL BATTLE.

KARKAT: FUCKS SAKE, THE EMPRESS WAS RIGHT THERE, MIGHT’VE FULFILLED SOME WEIRD, POETICALLY CYCLICAL NARRATIVE PARADOX SPACE HAD WRITTEN FOR ME.

KARKAT: BUT I’M ALIVE.

KARKAT: I’M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT MY POINT WAS ANYMORE JUST THAT I GET IT.

==>


	12. Karkat: Put your head on his shoulder. In Bro Solidarity.

Karkat: Put your head on his shoulder. In Bro Solidarity.

DAVE: did you ever…

DAVE: like when you were a kid

DAVE: er a grub or wriggler or whatever

DAVE: did you ever feel like

DAVE: this might sound stupid but

DAVE: did you ever feel like you were just waiting out for something that you knew deep down would never realistically happen

DAVE: because life said fuck it and decided to dropkick you down a flight of stairs for shits and giggles

DAVE: both figuratively and literally

DAVE: and sometimes waiting was all you could do to make that load of horseshit even slightly bearable on the best of days

DAVE: looking forward to a way out you really didnt think would ever happen because that crap only happens in fairy tales right

DAVE: and as we all know magic is fake as shit

DAVE: but then

DAVE: something did happen

DAVE: and life just… didnt have to be that way anymore?

DAVE: and its

DAVE: i mean

DAVE: what do you even do with yourself at that point you know

KARKAT: YOU MOVE IN WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND AND PLAY TOO MUCH TONY HAWK.

KARKAT: AND YOU TRY NOT TO WANT THINGS.

KARKAT: OR AT LEAST I TRY NOT TO WANT THINGS.

KARKAT: FUCK THAT WAS REALLY PATHETIC, I SWEAR IT DIDN’T SOUND LIKE THAT IN MY HEAD.

KARKAT: I GUESS I JUST FEEL GUILTY NOT BEING 100% CONTENT WITH MY LIFE AS IS SINCE I’M OBVIOUSLY THE LUCKIEST MUTANT SHITWAD TO EVER CRAWL HIS WAY OUT OF THE BROODING CAVERNS.

KARKAT: SO EVERYTHING AT THIS POINT IS GRAVY, RIGHT?

KARKAT: MORE THAN GRAVY. GRAVY SQUARED. GRAVY TO THE NTH FUCKING DEGREE.

KARKAT: I’M JUST DROWNING IN MOTHER FUCKING GRAVY AND I HARDLY KNOW WHAT TO DO. KEEP SWALLOWING THICK MOUTHFULS OF ANIMAL JUICE I GUESS.

DAVE: hah


	13. ==>

==>

DAVE: i guess i feel kind of guilty too

DAVE: this shit is so stupid

DAVE: it really should be gravy to the nth degree now but it feels more like inverted gravy

DAVE: negative absolutely fuckin concave gravy

DAVE: black hole gravy

DAVE: sucking up everything in sight and whatever else black holes do thats not my thing

DAVE: and i mean

DAVE: having a bro to play tony hawk with doesnt totally suck

DAVE: you get bonus points because the first one was just all around garbage

DAVE: and you dont make my life a living b grade horror film or anything so thats another plus

DAVE: dont gotta look around corners no more

DAVE: no more waiting for the other shoe to drop

DAVE: whats the catch whats next etc etc thats pretty neat

DAVE: and

DAVE: fuck

DAVE: that sounded pretty pathetic

DAVE: maybe were just a pair of total losers who dont know how to move on maybe thats what this is

KARKAT: MAYBE.

KARKAT: WE CERTAINLY HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO FIGURE SHIT OUT THOUGH.

KARKAT: ...DO YOU WANT ANYTHING?

KARKAT: YOU’RE OFFICIALLY ALLOWED TO WANT THINGS FOR THE NEXT FULL TURN OF THE PLANET.

KARKAT: IT’S YOUR TIME TO SHINE.

KARKAT: ASK AWAY. THE SKY’S THE LIMIT.

KARKAT: WELL THE SKY AND ALSO SHIT THAT CAN REASONABLY BE ACCOMPLISHED BY TWO DUDES WITH ENDLESS GOD MONEY AND AN ENTIRE DAY ON THEIR HANDS TO SHIT AROUND AND MAKE SOME FUCKING BIRTHDAY WISHES COME TRUE.


	14. Dave: Consider the possibilities

Dave: Consider the possibilities.

You do consider the possibilities. Being a literal fucking god, there are plenty to consider. However, even with everything at your disposal, nothing jumps out at you.

Perhaps having so many choices automatically renders them all equally boring.

Or maybe you’re just getting old, because you really can’t think of anything you’d want to do.

This in itself is nice. Even if you are Karkat are sweating all over each other.

DAVE: i think

DAVE: just sitting here is nice

DAVE: if thats okay

==>

KARKAT: YEAH.

KARKAT: ALWAYS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to break it up as cleanly as possible and preserve the dramatic tension! 
> 
> Yeah this was a collab with my friend but he doesn't want the notifications from it so I'm posting it. It's the boys. We may write more of it but that's entirely dependent upon whether he feels like producing more amazing artwork or not. This was fun though, as two filthy projecting assholes. 
> 
> Thank you for reading my swill!


End file.
